I am not an expert on personal relationships. However, I have been witness to relationships of all shapes and sizes, from the prepubescent flirtations to the retired , let's finish each other's sentences, and from these I've decided to come up with some general guidelines that I'd like to follow. Do with them what you will, but I've noticed some of the healthier relationships I have seen have fallen under these guidelines. Here is the first one and I will post the others as they come to me.
Guideline 1-- Don't Do Long Distance:
Long distance relationships (LDR) can be anywhere from an hour a part to 500 miles to time zones a part, and they all have the same thing in common. Communication. Not everyone has the choice, but let's be honest, a majority of us do have a choice for entering into an LDR. The major issue I have with LDRs is not trusting the other person, it's not that I don't think I could do it or that it's a pain to relay emotions through a telephone. It's the simple fact that I find LDRs to not be FAIR. It's not fair to either person in the relationship, it's not fair to the friends of the couple in the relationship, and it's not fair to the idea of relationships themselves.
It's not fair to either person in the relationship as they do not have the other person at their disposal. Think about it, when one of the persons simply wants to hold someone, or talk to someone, there is no direct means, everything is out of reach. Few moments hold elevation to simply sitting with someone you care for deeply, talking, laughing, and just being in their presence. It's a simple gift that a relationship should provide and LDRs do not allow that.
Furthermore, there is a hint of selfishness to LDRs that you are placing on the other person and your friends. We've all been there, walking with a friend, hanging out, and then they bring up how much they miss their significant other... for the 50th time that evening. We're all having issues, we don't want to hear about it when this was something you chose.
Finally, the basis of entering a relationship with someone is that you want to be with them, both mentally and physically and you want to see where it will go. Why would you put yourself in a situation where this basis cannot be met, where the very act of "being" with someone must take place at a certain time of day when the both of you are free to get phone reception and internet. I know it's very 6 years old of me, but I will stomp my feet, hold my breath and pout, Long Distance Relationships are NOT FAIR and I don't want to play.
Forever a cynic,
DJ
